The Promise
by Rossignol1984
Summary: It's New Year's Eve, and Collins isn't in the mood to celebrate. Then, he gets a little unexpected help...


**The Promise**

Collins stood at his window, staring down on the crowded street, watching people partying in anticipation of midnight.

Midnight.

A whole new year would start then, and Collins wished that he could just stop time. He had given up to want to turn back time long ago, so instead he just wanted to stop it. Everything was going way too fast.

It had been two months now since he had died, and yet Collins missed him as if he had already gone two centuries ago. He had – he still did – love Angel more than anything in the world, and everything that was left of his lover were the memories of the things they had done throughout the year – the year that was just about to end.

The closer the hands of his watch wandered to twelve, the sadder he got. He was afraid that if the old year with his memories of Angel in it would end, his love for Angel would end too. That he would lose him – again-, and Collins couldn't even bear the thought of that happening.

Of course Mark and Roger had invited him to come over – Maureen, Joanne and a very sick Mimi would be there too, and maybe his friends could have taken his mind off everything that was happening around him, but the truth was the he didn't want them to. He wanted to be alone, in his apartment, the place where he and Angel had spent so many wonderful hours, he wanted to weep at midnight and mourn the loss of his lover.

Resting his head against the cold glass of the window, Collins sighed and thought – just like he had done it a million times since Angel had died – about Angel's last hours in the hospital. He thought about the pain and the suffering that had increased so dramatically within a few hours, he thought of Angel hallucinating, not understanding what was going on around him, he thought of the firm grip Angel's bony hand had given him before the doctors finally came and gave his lover more of the so desperately needed pain medication.

The ringing of the phone stopped Collins from torturing himself any further, and left him debating with himself whether he should answer it or not. He decided not to and just wait for the caller to leave a message.

"_This is Collins, leave a message if you have to." _

"Hey Collins, it's me, Mark… um, listen, I just wanted to check if you're okay… and ask if you really don't want to come over tonight… I think you could need the distraction… well… Happy New Year."

Collins let out a tiny laugh.

Happy New Year.

Of course. It would be just great. The love of his life was still dead, and he didn't have any intentions to want to feel normal again.

Of course he acted normal. And most of his life had returned to normal, but sometimes there were these days when he didn't know what to do with his overwhelming sorrow, when he couldn't stop blaming everyone else around him for life being so unfair. And today, New Year's Eve, was one of these days.

Angel was gone and a new year wouldn't change that.

"I think you should go over to them."

When he heard that familiar voice behind him, Collins' blood froze. It couldn't be… he slowly turned around and almost had a heart attack when he saw who was standing in front of him, more real than ever before.

"Angel." He whispered, not quite believing that this was true.

"Hi." Angel replied with a big grin on his face. He wore his flower-print skirt and his green/orange sweater vest. He didn't wear a wig or any make up though.

"But you're dead." Collins said, the mere sound of the words making him want to cry.

"I know." Angel replied matter-of-factly, inspecting her fingernails. "I was there when it happened, remember?"

Collins closed his eyes for a second and shook his head. He was going insane. It just couldn't be.

"You're not going insane, honey." Angel said and took a step towards Collins, smiling happily as he neared him.

"How do you know…?"

"Oh, it's the look on your face. You look like you've just seen a ghost." Angel said, grinning only more. After a few moments of silence, he frowned and thought about what he had just said. "That was a bad one."

Collins swallowed and felt tempted to rub his eyes. How many times in the past two months had he wished for something similar like this to happen? How desperately did he want to talk to Angel one last time and tell him how much he meant to him? And now that the moment was here he didn't believe it.

Angel blinked twice and pressed his lips together, examining Collins thoroughly. "I know what you're thinking." He said and took one step toward him. "This is very weird indeed. But I thought since I saw Mimi last week I should visit you too. I figured you needed me."

"You have no idea how much." Collins whispered, and tears sprang to his eyes. "I miss you so much, Angel."

Angel's face saddened and he sighed, fumbling with his fingers. "I miss you too."

"Mimi was right…" Collins said and smiled sadly. "You do look very good."

Angel smiled in response. "You don't look bad either, Thomas." He said and raised one of his eyebrows seductively.

Collins' arms ached to take Angel and hug him tighter than ever and not letting him go, but something averted him from doing so. Instead, he simply asked, "Why are you here?"

"Okay." Angel whispered and sighed. "Listen, I know what you're going through. I mean, don't think just because I'm up there I don't feel any sorrow or pain. No physical pain, but the pain here." He pointed to his heart and smiled sadly. "And I can understand that you don't want to let go, but… you have to understand that _not_ just because this year – our year – is over, you and I are over too."

A single tear fell from Collins' eye and he looked out of the window, ashamed. The people on the street were just getting ready for their big New Year's countdown. He felt like the only person in the world who wasn't in the mood to party.

"I won't leave you – ever." Angel confirmed and took another step toward Collins. The same looked at him and smiled as he inhaled Angel's typical scent. Everything seemed so normal – and yet everything was so weird.

"You mean you're watching over me?" Collins asked, and Angel smiled.

"Every day."

Another tear fell down Collins' face. "You really are my Angel, aren't you?"

Angel giggled and nodded. "I am."

"Can't you stay with me?"

Angel's face became serious again, and he shook his head, firmly but lovingly. "You know I can't."

"When will I see you again? When will we be together again?" Collins felt almost like a child, asking all of these questions, but they needed to come out, and he needed answers. It was the only way he could imagine to survive the rest of his life without him.

"I'm not allowed to tell you that. All I can say is that we'll be together soon. And then it's gonna be forever." Angel replied, his face softening. "No disease can harm us anymore then."

"How soon?"

"Soon."

Collins shook his head. "When? Will I be here next year as well? Will I be living for 10 more years before I can be with you again? When will I be with you?"

Goosebumps formed all over Collins' body as Angel moved forward and took both of his hands, stroking them with his thumbs. He couldn't believe how wonderful this touch felt, and yet it made him realize how much he had missed it. Could he bear to watch Angel go away again?

"Do you trust me?" Angel asked, and Collins nodded.

"Of course I do."

"Then 'soon' will have to be enough. Trust me, it _will_ be soon." Angel confirmed and smiled, and all of a sudden, Collins felt at ease. Maybe it was stupid to want to know when his time would come, and 'soon' wasn't really a definition, but for now it was all he wanted to hear.

They stood in front of each other in silence, and although Collins wanted to take Angel in his arms so bad, he didn't. He was still too mesmerized by his presence in the first place.

"How are you up there?" Collins asked, and Angel smiled.

"I'm great. Everyone is really nice. And imagine, I don't have AIDS anymore."

"You're healthy?"

"Probably healthier than ever before." Angel said, and Collins had to admit that he looked happy in a way he had never seen him before.

"So you wouldn't want to come back?" he asked sadly, afraid of Angel's answer.

Angel lowered his head and sighed, and Collins saw that Angel had tears in his eyes. "You know how hard it was… my life, the disease…" he said and trailed off, and Collins closed his eyes. How well we knew.

"But." Angel lifted his head again and looked directly into Collins' eyes. "I would go through everything again if I had the chance to be with you. Because dying was not as hard as being without you."

Collins gripped Angel's hands as firmly as he could, his heart full of love for the young man standing in front of him. What Angel had just said was the biggest proof of love he could have given. Collins knew how much Angel hated his "old" life at times, but he had always been strong enough to make the best of it. That had been one of the things Collins admired about him.

"I love you." Collins said, his voice shaking, "And I will love you forever."

A tear fell down Angel's cheek, and he smiled. "Same here." He said and giggled.

The crowd on the street got louder, and both of them looked out of the window, watching them celebrating, and waiting for the new year to begin."

"Five! Four!"

Angel put one of his hands on Collins' cheek and pulled his face closer to his own.

"Three! Two!"

Collins let go of Angel's other hand and put his arms around him instead, feeling the warmth of his body, absorbing every inch of Angel he could get.

"One! Happy New Year!"

While the crowd cheered and celebrated outside, Collins and Angel lost themselves in a sweet, longing kiss, trying to savour as much of this moment as possible because at least one of them didn't know when they would be able to see each other again.

Collins couldn't believe that this was happening. His heart was filled with so much joy and warmth, and he never wanted this moment to end. He wanted to feel, taste, inhale Angel forever.

Softly but still firmly, Angel ended the kiss, and they looked into each other's eyes, thankful for the other's company. Putting his forehead against Collins', Angel whispered, "See you soon." He placed another sweet kiss on Collins' lips and let go of him. "Te amo."

"I love you, too." Collins whispered, waving goodbye to Angel. He didn't know how it happened, but with the blink of an eye, Angel was gone.

At first, Collins tried to find him by looking around. His smell was still present, and the warmth in his heart still gave him butterflies. His search only lasted a few seconds, then he realized that Angel wasn't around anymore. And strangely, he didn't feel the urge to cry over that cognition, but he smiled.

Something inside of him had changed. He knew that he would miss Angel every single day for the rest of his life, but now he knew that it was okay, and that Angel was there in his every move and in every step he took. He knew that he was not alone. And what was more important, he knew that Angel was happy as well, and that he was waiting for him.

With a look at his watch, Collins grabbed his coat.

12:05 a.m.

If he hurried now, he could still raise his glass with his friends to the new year. They usually took half an hour until they were completely finished with welcoming a new year, so he would be there just in time.

When he was out on the street, he looked up to the sky and threw a kiss up there. He knew that Angel was there, watching him, and waiting for him – and until he would be able to join his Angel, the promise that they would be together soon had to be enough.


End file.
